per·sev·er·ate

/pərˈsevəˌrāt/ Verb PSYCHOLOGY To repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased. "they perseverate under stress"

Aren't they cute?

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) encompasses an umbrella of behaviors that manifest differently, according to the individual. For some people on the spectrum, the ability to focus on what they find interesting can be a strength. For example, over time they might develop an encyclopedic knowledge of topics from "WWII" to "Marvel v. DC Superheroes" - simply because it is a topic that interests them. Some ASD kids take longer to learn that not everyone is as excited about their favorite topic, but many eventually grasp the concept with time, coaching and patience.

For others on the spectrum, this hyper-focus can be a source of stress and anxiety. One of the behaviors that our daughter struggles with is her tendency to perseverate on something that is flawed or imperfect. She will not rest until that which is broken is made perfect. If we are unable to immediately fix it, she can easily fly into a violent tantrum. Some examples of what could potentially trigger...

• A chip in the nail polish on her finger or tangles in her clip-on hair extension
• A broken pop-socket
• If the McDonald's drive through gives her the wrong dipping sauce for her nuggets
• And shoe shopping.

My daughter owns 2 pairs of boots. One pair is for the snow (which never seems to let up this winter) and the other pair is mostly for horseback riding. They are men's size 11. Until today, she had no other shoes because every time I take her to try some on, she complains that they are too tight. She won't wear anything with laces because she's terrified of having to tie her shoes in front of her peers and forgetting how to do it. And the frustration of going to multiple stores and melting down in the car afterward, let's just say... it's not a happy fun time.

Today, I took her to Hawley Lane Shoes in Shelton, CT to get her fitted for sneakers. Lo and behold, she actually is an 11 (women's) wide. After trying a few pairs of men's styles on, Sophina was able to tell me that she wanted something "girlier". Saleswoman Amanda, bless her, was patient and kind and found her the perfect pair of sky blue sneakers, even as they bonded over a mutual interest in horses. She even outfitted us with a parachute-spring tying system so my dear heart can take her shoes on and off easily without performance anxiety.

I cannot tell you how great this experience was, to have my daughter keep her cool, use her words and be understood WITHOUT a meltdown. Maybe, in the future, I can remember that other words that stem from the root of perseverate, like PERSEVERE.